We’ve probably all felt a little shy or a little tongue tied as a kid haven’t we, felt a little nervous on our first day in a new job but somehow when you become and adult you are just meant to be ok – you are meant to be witty and charming and have an endless supply of conversation starters and that’s how life is.
Advice is out there for teens but you don’t find much out there for the adult that needs help.
When you see how many people out there are on anti-depressants or are seeking medical help or are cowering in their rooms strangulated by phobias I think it’s about time an advice column was set up for those basic ‘teenage’ issues that follow you into adulthood and can creep up on you when you really think you’ve got it all together.
For me I’ve always been a bit unsure of myself. I had a childhood where I was brought up being told I couldn’t, shouldn’t and can’t rather than you can do anything child, it is what it is, but it does mould you. I grew into my own person and spread my wings and got over many hurdles. Then someone tried to crush them all. Their problem, not mine, but that’s the thing – some of those insecurities have stayed. I have a total phone phobia, I used to love having long like 3 hour long calls all the time on the phone with friends, but now when it rings my heart is in my mouth and I run the other way. I have this overwhelming urge of never feeling good enough, of feeling ugly. You can’t just get over these things, you can’t just brush them aside, and it’s hard for people to understand. Those that know me think I am ridiculous for thinking such things about me and say the sweetest things to me, those that don’t know me no doubt think I am awkward or maybe even rude, but if they only knew.
To walk into a crowded room – well once upon a time someone said I did it with such enthusiasm making everyone feel so welcome – but now – inside I am ready to puke. My ego tells you to look at me, all of you, everyone in the room look at me, but then you do and my heart stops, my throat swells and I wonder what is wrong with me.
I am sure, in fact I am positive I am not alone here.
When this world is putting more and more pressure on people and more and more people are cracking I think we should all losen up a little and learn to talk and help each other and know it’s ok to not feel great all the time and to sometimes, as an adult, to need a helping hand.
I watched a show last night on Channel 4 called Strictly Baby Disco.
I didn’t want to watch it.
I knew I’d end up screaming at the TV.
And guess what….I did.
To me some of the Mother’s on there were falling only just short of child abuse.
Do I sound harsh?
Let me explain…………..
The children were under 10 years old. Many of them were grossly underweight. Some of them you could already see the joint issues they were having. Most of us know about ‘dancers back’ where you hit somewhere in your 20’s after a career of dancing and can suffer huge back problems.
I mean there is flexible and just bending yourself into a ridiculous form that the human body is not really meant to do.
The dancing was debateable in my eyes – it resembled that of a child fitting at times. I kid you not. It was meant to be free style disco but was frankly just a little bit odd.
But it’s become highly competitive……………..between the Mom’s.
They were screaming, shouting and being embarrassing. The injuries their daughters suffered sounded like it was injuries to them.
It was them that wanted the trophy.
The little girls did their short routine in front of the judges and came off the dance floor so exhausted that they would either be in tears or in the case of two of them, actually physically collapsed on the floor.
One little girl who was now 9 had been rushed to hospital the previous year. She had extreme stomach pains and sickness. The doctor informed the Mother that the girl was suffering from stress. The Mother told the doctor not to be ridiculous that she was only 9 how could she be stressed.
The Doctor pointed out that the competitions were causing the stress. The Mother would not accept this. The same little girl was on antibiotics this year for a kidney infection, but the Mother had told the child ‘….you don’t dance with your kidney’s though, you dance with your feet.’ At one point the little girl went out to compete and she fell, she ran off the dance floor crying, her Mother pushed her away and back onto the dance floor. The little girl tried to carry on – she was upset, she was broken and no doubt in pain from her kidney infection. You could see her exhaustion. Then her wig fell off – yes the giant wig on her little body fell off, but again she was pushed back out to dance. She didn’t get through her heat, so her Mom told her she was rubbish. In the eyes of the little girl you could see that all she wanted was a hug.
Now – Children are competitive and they like to win. But they also like to play and have fun. They need discipline but they also need love, and sometimes winning isn’t important but knowing your parents love you is.
One child had been taken away from the family and moved with the Mother to a little flat, but it was ‘ok’ because she would see her Dad maybe twice a month. Yeah, you guessed it, it wasn’t the child saying it was OK, it wasn’t the child that had asked to move, all these decisions were the Mother’s.
At one point it showed a child at home with the Mother, the ‘parent’ stretching the child’s leg, the child was saying ‘Ow o wow Mommmy……’ but the Mother continued to push the leg higher and further back.
How is this ok?
How is this morally right?
How is this for the good of the child?
How is this good parenting?
Childhood goes in a blink of an eye but can build the foundations for the rest of our lives. Some of the things a child does that might seem to be, well fancy, it might seem to be childish are all part of essential development into the adult world. If you rush this – you end up with a child in an adults body unable to function in the real world. You end up with a child rushed into adult hood without really fully understanding themselves and the complex world of relationships that build up a person’s life.
And all for what?
So that ‘Mom’ can tell the world that they….sorry, their child won a medal for dancing.
All at what cost love? At what cost!!!!!