Sometimes, you know – once in a while – just like maybe ever day – you should stop and reflect.
It’s easy to become someone you don’t want to be.
Someone that you shouldn’t really be.
It’s easy to lose focus.
It’s easy to have never focused.
It’s easier to just keep your focus slightly diverted.
You’ll know the one’s that do this because they will be VERY quick to point out your flaws.
They will be quick to pick you up and correct you – you know, for your own good.
But the truth is, shhhh, step a bit closer, you don’t want them to know that you know their secret……
Really – now this is gonna shock you but really it’s because they are flawed. Like beyond the little dinks we all get in life – they come with huge chunks taken out of them and they don’t want you to see so they will keep on telling you how wrong you are but in a way that will make you thank them, you will feel that they are looking out for you but really they are just looking to make sure that when you trip they will see and be able to make sure they jump over you, wipe their feet on you and move on.
Now you will have fallen, you will be too busy picking yourself up and dusting yourself down. You will turn to talk to your trusted friend and will be floored again by the fact that they are not only not there, but they are running off in to the sunset.
You will sit back on your heels – dejected, head in hands you will go through all the things they said you were in that nice kind way of theirs. You will think oh my god look they are right – I MUST be all of those things because I am here on the floor and they are there in the sunset, moving forwards.
And this my friends is where you thought wrong.
You are taking the time to collect your thoughts, to pick yourself up and to dust yourself down, dusting off their veil of possession and freeing yourself.
Think of those cobwebs floating in the breeze, you can see them but suddenly they are all over you – you are trapped – you panic but then you find a way to brush yourself free and it feels great.
The person in the sunset now has another chink in their armour and are now becoming more moth eaten by the day. They still think it is your fault and have run, run so hard, so fast, they can’t stop running – when they do they hear something calling them – it’s not a voice telling them to run, it is their conscience but they panic and they run, they can’t be dragged down by you oh no no.
But you see it’s not you dragging them down – it is your strength that has been keeping them afloat, it is you that has been zapped, which is why you fall when you are finally cut free. That led weight has gone and for a brief second it makes you go limp.
You check yourself over, you note the new scars. You think about what has happened. You look at your mistakes, you look at theirs, you learn your lessons.
You stand up.
Suddenly you feel ten feet tall.
You hadn’t realised that for so long you had been cowering.
Walking around stooped.
Half the person you used to be.
And there you were thinking you had lost your other half.
But you see – we need to be grounded.
Not tied down but grounded.
It gives us a reality check.
Keeps things in perspective and gives us focus.
Without it we are free to float around causing destruction and floating away.
It makes us damaged if we keep doing that.
Eventually the damage will outshine the initial product and that is when you get left on the shelf.
For the person that picks themselves up, dusts themselves down and begins on their path again it is like shedding a skin.
They dust off that old wrinkly lack lustre skin and take on a new shiny slightly changed one and go off, sparkling into the world.
Remember that the next time someone shits on you and makes you feel that it is was your fault when you know really you were just human and didn’t do anything overtly wrong.
Be wary of the person quick to point the finger.
Be wary of the person that doesn’t reflect.
History repeats when lessons aren’t learnt.
Look around you. Genocide everywhere still because ‘man’ just isn’t learning.
Some people are flawed some are just floored (temporarily).
But you can change the course of history for the better – your own personal history – by just stopping for a second – reflecting – embracing it all – learning and moving onwards and upwards towards the next bright shiny star.
…..it can make your soul bleed.
You feel like you will never feel anything but this pain and hurt and confusion again.
You will cry, you will weep, you will mourn, you will freeze, you will just stare into space, you will feel like you will never be normal again.
Then you will get angry.
Spitting crying raging angry.
Then you will be empty and numb.
You will still feel like you will never get over this.
But you will.
All that pain – it’s been there to make sure you do something.
It’s been making you think, making you analyse, giving you a bit of space and time to yourself.
If you are smart you will assess things and look at what went right and what not so well, you will learn, you will grow and you will become a much better human being for it.
When you are in the thick of it – any advice will make you mad – but do believe it – because the old cliches are old because they are true. Time will really heal you and that is all you need.
That, and some good friends and family, silly films and a tub of ice cream.
Allow yourself to greive.
Then embrace the new, improved you.
Go into the world bigger and bolder, able to love again and willing to love again.
Work at your own pace, don’t set time limits.
Those that fail normally bounce from one relationship to the other, never growing or learning and just getting bitter.
You may need some motivation to get you through the first stages. There’s nothing like sticking your fingers up to your past love by going out there and being fabulous.
You have to ultimately do all this for you though.
One other thing to remember….you are not alone, we’ve all had these moments or we all will – we will all feel like a failure but the only failing is if you don’t allow yourself to learn.
You will love again. Bigger and better than ever before.