You might call it fashion – I can call it ugly!
‘Fashion is ugly, that’s why it changes so often!’
So fashion sold us high waisted jeans/trousers.
And ‘we’ bought them
Hello to a ten mile butt.
This is no J-Lo butt it is very much a jello looking butt and don’t you believe otherwise, even if you are teeny tiny these trousers have the power to make your rear end look HUGE.
Fashion sold us the Gigi bra. Telling us it makes us look sexy. It is old granny tights stretched into a training bra come sports bra. Seamless? No – sexless!!!!
Spanx? HAHAHAHAHA ever thought ballerina turning into hippo in a tutu at the end of the night and that’s if you can even get them off. See if you are going out with your partner he should love you warts and all anyway and if you are on the pull is it not going to shock the poor guy when he sees a stream lined woman who is either trussed up in so much armour he doesn’t get a look in or you take them off by some miracle and then everything hangs out/down/to the side………..and what about if you need to nip to the loo? You’ll be gone ages, leaving all sorts of bad things to the imagination.
Pencil heel shoes with platform fronts….that rock forward? A&E is furious. As is my friends broken leg. They rock alright…..straight down the stairs and into an ambulance.
Mega clutch bags a mm thick. Yep queue repeated popping open spilling your sole £50 note and tampon onto the floor. Nothing else will fit. Good for slapping away unwanted attention though, I guess. But what attention?
Trussed up in your Jello jeans, armoured underwear, sparkly top that takes a degree to work out which is the neck and which is the armhole, big huge fluffy faux fur coat that makes you look mahoosive, hair that is now stuck to your false eyelashes, slowly pulling them off squiffy to land half way up your eye/down your face. Lip stain staining everything but your bloody lips, it will show every attempt you made (and failed) at drawing a little outside the natural lip line so that you have a gorgeous pout but instead will leave you looking like you have a weird cold sore or have been clumsy whilst eating a jam doughnut………………but all in the name of ‘fashion’ ay kids!!!!