When love walks out the door……….
‘Sometimes it happens, feelings die, whole years are lost in the blink of an eye.’
Who knew that a little pop band called Ash could get that bit so right.
You can share so much with someone over quite a few years and then bam, someone decides it’s over.
You feel like you’ve lost everything.
You also feel like no one else understands.
You feel like you will never love again – or you know you will but you just can’t imagine it being sometime soon.
There is no magic cure.
There is sadly, no magic wand to wave and make things ok.
But you know why that is?
It’s because this is how you learn.
It’s not a failed relationship – it just ran its course.
People change and people grow – some grow together and some don’t grow at all.
People come into your lives for different reasons and for different lengths of times.
It’s not always worth over analysing this either – just know this and remember things fondly – and learn lessons.
Then and only then is nothing we go through wasted.
Use this time – use it to write great stories or great songs.
Suffering produces great art.
Know that the cloud will pass and when you do you will be bigger, bolder and brighter than ever.
A new star will be born.
Now look at the other person.
Did they bounce on to someone else?
Chances are it was their way of coping – ie they couldn’t face it so they ran.
But we all know that eventually you have to face up to the facts.
If you bounce from one relationship to another you are never learning where you went wrong and right – you will forever be dating as your old self and quite often the only way you will find true happiness is well…..um sorry but without really knowing yourself – warts and all – you won’t really ever find true happiness – you can kid yourself of all sorts but see you need that space, you need that time – you need to have those tears to allow yourself to grow. To evolve. To learn.
I’ve seen people bounce from one relationship to another – refusing to face up to what they did wrong – they are now adults – well at least in the adult world – but still dating like a 14 year old.
Time does heal.
It might not heal all wounds, some scars stay, sometimes the wounds on the inside can get snagged along the way.
But you will heal enough to pick yourself up and to start to live again.
Minutes will go by.
Days will go by.
Weeks will go by.
Before you know it you won’t have thought about them in a while.
You may stumble upon a photo and all sorts of feelings can come crashing back to you – but you will learn to cope with this. The crashing emotional waves will lesson.
You will find yourself saying ‘I love you’ again.
You will be saying it to someone deserving of the new you and the rest of your life’s journey will start to unfold.
What will be will be and life has a weird way of working out – in your darkest hours it will pay you well to remember that.
Life works in mysterious ways, it hurts us sometimes but it also lifts us to great heights. Embrace it, go with it. Don’t always fight it.
If you find you are not moving on – start to look at yourself – you are romanticising the other person – you are seeing them as the cure to all your ills.
Quite often in time, you will start to see how they were feeding or helping to keep alive some of your ills.
Sometimes people can’t handle others getting better or gaining more confidence – they are scared it will show up their own wounds. They may even try to blame you for all that is wrong with them.
This is again a knee jerk – it’s not true – and you can only hope that they will start to learn this too. That they too will look inside and better themselves.
Then both people can walk fowards into the world – two human beings, better for having met each other but now ready to face the next chapter, to seek out new adventures.
For now the paths will veer away from each other.
Maybe one day their paths will meet again, if they are meant to – they will.
But for now – you can’t focus on that.
For now you have to focus on what is around you.
Remember the people that are there for you and remember all the things that you have going for you. Remember all those things that now you are single you are free to do. Embrace life and let it embrace you back.
The kindness of strangers.
That is pretty much all you need.
So – onwards and upwards young person, there is a whole world out there to explore and a whole life out there that is yours for the taking.