Paper Hearts & Tin Foil Tiaras ♥

The diary of a girl

Month: February, 2013

Wondering wanderer

For the last 11 years I’ve wondered why I’ve been hit by so many health problems (those that are regulars to this blog will know a lot more about this) but recently it’s come to light that for 11 years I’ve been suffering the starting effects, the full on effects and the after effects of the same damn thing.

dependence-on-prescription-drugs

It’s just been some bad doctors and some rubbish NHS cuts that have caused them to try to cut corners at the cost of people’s health I guess. Recently I have found out I have torn fibres in my shoulder and neck from the assault in November. Again, although I’ve seen numerous medical people it wasn’t until last week that someone actually looked at my shoulder for the first time. I sighed but it didn’t surprise me and I decided not to get bitter and twisted (no pun intended) about it.
For all the bad things that have gone on – I don’t feel sorry for myself at all. Those years of being in London and being ill – I went from party girl always wanting to be out – to not being able to go out – not knowing what was going on and realising my friends were feeling slighted by me not going out to their events or to their parties. No one really took the time to ask what was going on – they just jumped to conclusions. Some just forgot my face once it was no longer around each evening. I fell off the scene and that meant I was out of their lives it would seem.

PIeJsmtFhbZQaha_t-OGeDl72eJkfbmt4t8yenImKBVaiQDB_Rd1H6kmuBWtceBJ

Even that isn’t something I feel too bad about – there are the odd days I wonder what happened, why friends I thought were in my life forever left when things got tough….but that again is just one of those things, some people are not meant to be in your life for long, some people just have their own life to deal with….and there will be the odd one or two that just weren’t good people but through all of this I learnt one of the most valuable lessons ever. I learnt who was there for me no matter what and you can’t put a price on that. I made some new amazing friends along the way. I met my best friend through one of the worst times in my life so I can no longer look at those times in a negative way. I feel that finally I am moving towards the light, as in I am getting closer to getting the all clear. I think 11 years is a long enough wait. And I am looking forward to the next part of the journey…one that now I am not so busy being ‘scene’ I am writing, studying again, reading books, taking photos, writing on blogs…..I am appreciating and noticing the life going on around me, my values feel richer…..the people in my life feel a little dearer. I feel more change is a foot. I am hankering after my country life again. I don’t know where this will lead me but I sure feel more comfortable about the journey and who I am taking it with.

one-path-wallpaper_1680x1050

tumblr_lqdsycBlfj1qjmpnmo1_500

Yesterday my Granddad died. He was like the smiling version of Carl. I feel not only blessed to have known such a man but to have had the honor of calling him family. I like to see it as the sun just got another sunbeam. Cherish the things that you have. Life is short – […]

tumblr_mid5p2qbvv1rvnqlvo1_500

How does that picture make you feel? Cold? Small? Surrounded? Suffocated? Or ridiculously free? The reality of living like this is not going to be the same as a daydream….I guess that is why some dreams are never meant to come true. It’s why you should pay attention to where your mind wonders too as […]

tumblr_mhjnbwYM6R1qz71rio1_500

So me every day after work – drawing a line between work and play. Never underestimate the power of a good bubble bath!

Dream a little dream with me

tumblr_lr0dvi15IX1qdzpbco1_500I want a door….or a big window leading out into a patch of my own little woodland.

I want to be able to amble outdoors and be at one with nature within seconds.

I want the quiet – the noise surrounding me to be my own.

I want peace.

I want community.

I want a wall of friends. Good friends.

I want to spend my days talking, drinking nice wine. Just shooting the breeze, putting the world to rights….and laughing….lots and lots of laughing.

Music being played on the stereo and by me.

Writing…lots and lots of writing, with the odd bubble bath and good book thrown in for good measure.

It shouldn’t be hard to obtain but right now feels too far away.

I need that to change.

Carl and ellie

image

My (smiling) carl and ellie

wpid-Screenshot_2013-02-25-19-07-55.png

A little eternal sunshine

image

Great movie…super quote or we are all lost some of us just fake it better

Little monsters

image

We all have our monsters….but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing….the right lifestyle/life choices can tame them!

wpid-Screenshot_2013-02-25-18-46-45_1.jpg