For the last 11 years I’ve wondered why I’ve been hit by so many health problems (those that are regulars to this blog will know a lot more about this) but recently it’s come to light that for 11 years I’ve been suffering the starting effects, the full on effects and the after effects of the same damn thing.
It’s just been some bad doctors and some rubbish NHS cuts that have caused them to try to cut corners at the cost of people’s health I guess. Recently I have found out I have torn fibres in my shoulder and neck from the assault in November. Again, although I’ve seen numerous medical people it wasn’t until last week that someone actually looked at my shoulder for the first time. I sighed but it didn’t surprise me and I decided not to get bitter and twisted (no pun intended) about it.
For all the bad things that have gone on – I don’t feel sorry for myself at all. Those years of being in London and being ill – I went from party girl always wanting to be out – to not being able to go out – not knowing what was going on and realising my friends were feeling slighted by me not going out to their events or to their parties. No one really took the time to ask what was going on – they just jumped to conclusions. Some just forgot my face once it was no longer around each evening. I fell off the scene and that meant I was out of their lives it would seem.
Even that isn’t something I feel too bad about – there are the odd days I wonder what happened, why friends I thought were in my life forever left when things got tough….but that again is just one of those things, some people are not meant to be in your life for long, some people just have their own life to deal with….and there will be the odd one or two that just weren’t good people but through all of this I learnt one of the most valuable lessons ever. I learnt who was there for me no matter what and you can’t put a price on that. I made some new amazing friends along the way. I met my best friend through one of the worst times in my life so I can no longer look at those times in a negative way. I feel that finally I am moving towards the light, as in I am getting closer to getting the all clear. I think 11 years is a long enough wait. And I am looking forward to the next part of the journey…one that now I am not so busy being ‘scene’ I am writing, studying again, reading books, taking photos, writing on blogs…..I am appreciating and noticing the life going on around me, my values feel richer…..the people in my life feel a little dearer. I feel more change is a foot. I am hankering after my country life again. I don’t know where this will lead me but I sure feel more comfortable about the journey and who I am taking it with.