Let’s just try to be kind to ourselves for once

by MissAliBlahBlah

It doesn’t matter how perfect someone’s life might seem on the outside, no one ever really knows what is going on inside that persons mind or the four walls they live in. It’s easy to transmit an air of everything being ok when inside you are locked into a meltdown.

People can fake it really well.

And people are too quick to judge.

You can’t take anything on face value and you shouldn’t; but on the flipside to that you shouldn’t overly speculate either.

‘We all want something we can’t have.’

Just because someone has a lot of money that does not equate to instant happiness, it can help with some things but not all. There will always be something that feels less perfect in your life and it all becomes relative.

We are brought up in a world that encourages us to always be wanting more. To focus on the things we don’t have rather than to be grateful and focus on the things we do have. This keeps us in a cycle of never feeling quite good enough and always reaching/searching for more.

It is good to always have goals and things to aim for but the problem is the world has become obsessed with negativity. Just look at the news and the gossip magazines if you don’t believe me.
Does it really make you feel better about your own life to know that someone else’s isn’t perfect or that they are actually human after all?

Times have changed but the ideals of a relationship and how people should live their lives still seems to be the same. This to me is a little ridiculous as that’s like saying you should keep the same dreams and ambitions at 30 or 40 as you had at 3. For me that means that my goal in life would still be to become a mermaid, or to find out I really was an alien that had just been sent to earth as punishment (yeah, don’t judge me)! Anyway – my point being that we have dreams, and that focuses us on making things happen, but what happens if you let those dreams overtake you? Or you forget that as life changes those dreams should too, or the importance placed on certain one’s should alter?

You should be settled by your mid twenties, married two years after you have met someone and be pregnant within the first year. Why? These are things that worked decades ago. People did not live as long then. Child mortality was very different. Where does the statistic of 2.4 children come from? And who wants to be an average family anyway!?!

Women are not just baby making machines. And if something happens that means you can’t have children, or you just plain don’t want them, that does not make you a weirdo, a freak or not a whole woman. That just makes you human – and thank goodness that means that we are all different. It also means that a different path is meant for you. Maybe adoption? Maybe puppy dogs? Maybe a life of travel? Or maybe a fully rounded full life that just does not have children in the equation. No one should ever be made to feel bad about these things.

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Just like whenever you are considered of a dating age if you aren’t in a relationship people look at you as though you have nothing. They treat you like there is something wrong with you, or they talk down to you with such patronising sympathy. Why? You can be single by choice. Shocking I know but there you have it. Also, it’s far better to be single than with the wrong person. It also tries to imply you can only be happy when you are coupled up/off. But don’t we really all need to learn to be ok with our own company – and what better way to learn than to spend some time single. If you bounce from one relationship to the next you are never learning the lessons from each relationship, you are never allowing yourself to gain more knowledge or to grow (in the romantic sense) as an individual. You can’t offer up anything new to the next relationship and will continue to make the same mistakes or have the same relationships. The modern world has made it harder to meet people and expectations are higher, these things can make it very hard for people to find a partner and it’s horrible having to rely on friends for that awkward dinner party where you just have to meet the perfect person for you…..not.

Wedding and party invites can break your heart – you have a plus one or you get put on the ‘lonely singletons’ table. But just because you are single and that person is single does not mean for one minute that you are right for each other. Just because you are single and finding it hard to meet someone does not mean that you want everyone to be trying to set you up with someone every second of the day. You have a life, you have other things going on and you have some self respect. You are not a damaged puppy dog – you are just someone living your life and doing the best you can.

Times have changed. Once upon a time the only way to leave home really was to be in a relationship and you couldn’t live with someone unless you were married….or you would be ostracised. People had children because they needed to be looked after in their old age as there was no state benefits, no pensions etc, etc. So why, when things have changed so much are people still living by the same standards and pressures?

And for those of you out there all loved up with the perfect person who got pregnant just by looking at each other – spare a thought for those that aren’t having life work out the same way.

And for those you out there that aren’t loved up and/or desperately want a baby but for whatever reason can’t have one – spare a thought for your overly fertile friend – it’s not their fault that you can’t get pregnant – I know that sounds harsh but it’s true. It’s not easy – you will see babies everywhere but the good thing is we live in a modern world with medical miracles everywhere and if science can’t help, there is always adoption or a shift in the goals and dreams you have.

Sometimes if we shift focus and stop putting pressure on ourselves and just be happy with what we’ve got and understand that things seem to happen for a reason and we seem to end up on the right path for us in the end, we would all stop being so stressed or stop feeling so under pressure. It’s hard enough just getting from one end of the day to the other!

If I had everything I wanted as and when I wanted it I think life would be a nightmare – because sometimes I think I reall,y really want something – I don’t get it or I haven’t got it and I sulk – a week passes and I think ‘phew thank god I didn’t get that…….’

So….be careful what you wish for. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Be adaptable. Don’t be so quick to judge. Be a fully rounded human being. Embrace change. Be thankful for what you already have.

Being ‘you’ is a good thing and it’s probably going better than you think.

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